curve balls

my favourite type of blog posts in no particular order:

- honest essays
- birth stories
- funny shit said by husbands and babies

This is one of those honest essay type posts, sharing more than I normally would and with a shade less sarcasm. Promise to get back to you with a birth story and some shit that Nick has said soon.

Our Son was born naturally, on his due date. He was made with all the love we could muster, on our wedding night. Apart from the morning sickness that followed me around Europe and joint/rib pain that plagued me as we grew, we had a pretty dreamy pregnancy. I'm sitting here with dogs at my feet nursing my little boy, something I was so nervous about doing but had no need to be. My supply is good enough to make my baby milk drunk after every feed. These feeds are full of love and little satisfied sighs and milk spilled everywhere and usually catch ups of Reno rumble or house rules...

Our son has ten really long fingers, ten perfect little toes, the cutest baby ears that still have little hairs on them and fluffy hair just like his daddy's. He sometimes dreams really loudly and more often than not will fall asleep while nursing. Our son barely stirs when his naughty dogs bark at birds while he is sleeping, despite having perfect hearing. He adores the car and going for walks and being passed around between all the people who so desperately love him.

On the Friday night, two weeks after he was born, Nick answered a call from the paediatrician. We were half way through watching an NBA playoff game with a friend and Nick was busy making half time snacks in the kitchen. Eventually he got off the phone, came into the living room and when he answered my question of 'who was it?', it felt like he literally punched me in the stomach.

Nick relayed that our paediatrician had told him that our son may have cystic fibrosis and that we needed to get to the hospital first thing in the morning. His words were so casual but enormously heavy. We spent Friday night crying, me uncontrollably. It was hard to believe, it was hard to look at my son and it was the hardest seeing my Husband upset.

I cried all the way to the hospital the next morning as well. I admitted to Nick that I didn't really want to be the parent. I wanted my parents to be there, to take charge and tell us it was all fine, just a misunderstanding. Once I'd said it though it sunk in that this was it. This was real deal parenthood, the previous two weeks had been bliss finding our feet with a baby but it was time to face our first challenge as a family.

I couldn't speak to the ER nurse who was trying to figure out why we were there. I usually can't speak when I'm upset which has always been frustrating but I was especially frustrated at myself because the Mums are supposed to handle business! Mums take charge and answer all the questions but I had to sheepishly step aside and let Husband take over and thank God for that man. I could write a post entirely about him and us and you know, I won't because you'll probably vomit all over your screen so I'll write it down somewhere else.

Anyway, anyway! Fast forward a little while and we're sitting with our doctor in a room that looks like its sole purpose is to be a place where you hear bad news. You know the rooms? Full of squishy old couches, a TV, calming artwork and practical things like oxygen tanks and tissues and a sink. Before we stepped into the room I still had hope that it was all a terrible mistake. It wasn't. It isn't.

We walked out of the ER in a daze with arms full of paperwork, prescriptions for our baby's new medications, brains all foggy from the shock and influx of information. On the way out we remembered that it was Saturday and our baby's birth announcement was in that days newspaper. We walked into the hospital shop, picked up three copies and spotted our baby's announcement among all the other seemingly normal babies.

In the car on the way home we discussed the importance of taking it one day at a time. The importance of treating our son just like any other baby, the hard task we had ahead of us and the fact that our baby seemed so incredibly healthy and happy. I called my family and broke the news to them and their response was wonderfully positive. Full of optimism for his future and the future of all CF patients but mixed with a little bit of shock and fright as expected.

We made our way to the local shops to pick up some now much needed supplies (we treated ourselves to lunch at our favourite cafe first though cause stress and shock make me hungry). The first chemist we went to informed us that they hadn't heard of one of the medications, another no longer exists, one more can only be dispensed at the hospital and the last was out of stock. I tried to keep my cool and made my way to a different pharmacy. There I met a lovely pharmacist who was able to supply two of the medications, some baby syringes and some advice. Six phone calls later and we had one more prescription and had ordered the last online. 

That night we surrounded ourselves with family. We regrouped, ate dinner together, spread the little amount of information we had, gave our baby his first doses of medication, his first taste of pureed apple and loved on him as much as we could.

Although he has cystic fibrosis, our son is just like any other baby. Some days this is all too overwhelming and my heart aches for him and for me and his Dad. Other days I feel like a normal Mama with a baby that just needs some extra special care.

We're just starting this adventure, we don't know how Dash's life will unfold. We don't know what will happen tomorrow. All I know is that we have a Son and that today he is well and happy and loved.

Our Cystic Fibrosis association is holding a fundraiser next month. I've only just signed our family up to be members of the association but I know the people behind it are going to have a significant impact on our lives. They will be our support system, provide us with subsidised medication, help us purchase equipment later on and I'm sure much, much more. 

If you'd like to help us help them, here are some links to our friends and families fundraising pages. 

Team Dash Fundraiser

Team Dashing Through the Snow Fundraiser

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have my Husband, we are the luckiest parents in the world to have our Son and we are the luckiest family in the world to be surrounded by and supported by such incredible family and friends. This is just another curveball.