tu me manques revisited

I've been working. Being Mama and Wifey and building during the day. Furiously designing and lettering and working until 10.30 - 11pm every night of the week to get the shop open, to fill orders, help other businesses. 

Most nights I think what on earth am I doing? Most mornings actually when I struggle out of bed and regret the night before. 

So here I am working away waiting for an email when I go down that rabbit hole of old photos. Then the old blogs and then I think bloooooogggg, I miss you so so so much and I am so sorry I don't make time for you because really, you bring me so much joy! Future Carly LOVES it. 

And mostly I think life is sweet. Life was sweet when I spent hours and hours blogging and crafting and worrying about what people thought of me like it was my job. Life is so sweet now with a Son and a Husband and me not giving any fucks about the thoughts that people might be thinking about me. Mostly because I know now that people have their own things to deal with and a little because hindsight and maturity and life and things. 

Anyway while wasting precious napping time reading the old blog, I came across this post I scribbled down in June last year, two months shy of the wedding and two months shy of falling pregnant. I remember feeling so fancy free hitting publish on that thing. Like oversharing was a dangerous thing and I was throwing all of the caution to the wind. I just read it again and thought guuuuurrrrllll if only you knew! If only you knew SO many things!

Do you ever look at photos and think just imagine if I could have shown myself this a month, a year, ten years ago? I have been doing this since I was a little girl. I get to a pretty sweet stage and place in my life and think if only I could have reassured myself last month or whatever that everything would be okay by showing old me a peek at new me. Like even just one of those annoying three second snaps! Just a little snippet of the future! 

These are the photos I would show myself on June 27 2014 if I could. 

Our home, filled with more love than I could have ever imagined. A happy baby boy, a Husband who adores us, two puppies who are just happy to go with the flow. Messy hair and mum jeans and the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned in my life.

That feeling of having your arms full of baby. You know the feeling? When you feel the weight of them and let your arms and your body envelope them and feel your chest rising and falling along with them and you breathe them in and think surely, there is nothing better in the world. It's a good feeling.

But mostly this photo. Because that look in his eye does something to me. Like he knows he's given me everything I have ever wanted in life. It's a special photo this one. 

I'd show this one to Carly in 2001, 2007, 2008, 2011, 2012 and 2014. At all the times when I needed it most because everything works out just fine in the end. 

Beautiful photos by the wonderful Bel Combridge Photography